S1E3 -Guns and Groceries

Previously on Almost Better Than Dragons.

Yeah, you guys just landed. You guys are in Churchill, Canada right now.

And he smells the wine on Greybeard and knows a fellow lush when he smells 'em.

You kind of just grab him and when they turn around, you guys are both gone.

Dude, thanks for getting me out of this mess.

If you want, you can go hang out in the Tim Hortons we have over there.

everything I eat on the house. I'm gonna like grab him by like the shirt.

Oh yes, of course.

And that's the magic of alcohol, it brings people together from different walks of life.

Stuff going on on the TVs inside the airport, um, by the luggage claim. Breaking news, uh, mysterious incident at Newark Airport. The flight that's coming in from Toronto, it's trying to land but there's fire coming out of one of the engines. It slams into the runway. As it hits the end of the runway, it kind of just, like, comes to a grinding halt, and then the side door bursts open. You just see what looks like people flooding out onto the tarmac.

I immediately vomit.

Boy, I haven't stolen a cop car in a couple months.

I'm a state trooper.

We must repent! We must pull over and produce identification!

So you come here often?

Uh, the Reverend vomits.

You realize you have $20 in Bitcoin. You guys go to your rooms. That's the day.

Fatal error he made in 1967.

Many without food, water, and medical supplies. People and local officials who live in the area have been critical of the policy as a solution. Israel should have refrained from conducting any There were many dead bodies in New Orleans, in the water or in buildings, but the head of the American Public Health Association—

It was a different kind of war.

No armies came to our shores. Our military was not the principal target. There was a plane crash in Canada. There was an experimental biological weapon on board that turned people into zombies. Alright, so you guys are waking up the morning after staying at the comfortable, luxurious Doug's Lounge in Gillam, Canada. And so what do you guys do?

I am gonna go downstairs and I'm gonna see if there's a continental breakfast of some sort. You go downstairs, maybe like— actually, how, how fancy is this, is this place? Is this like, like a place you'd go for like a business trip or like a business retreat, or is this like just like a, like a stop along the side of a highway and there's like roaches and stuff? And I'm gonna go downstairs and there's— the guy's got like a Keurig that doesn't work.

And the guy gave me a bedroll, so I think that says something.

Well, I mean, you gave him $20 in Bitcoin, so I mean You didn't really present him with many options, really feasible currency.

It's all I had and it was given to me.

Well, then you got a bedroll. So, I mean, um, it's a nice— it's a nice little like hotel. It's not— it's not even really a hotel. It's more of a motel, but there is a— there is a little, uh, a little area for guests to eat breakfast. It's not a continental breakfast. It's actually, um, one where you get like a slip for every night that you're there, and they— you can bring it down and they'll make you like an omelet or something.

Oh, that's pretty good. Let's do that.

I think I'm gonna look out the window and make sure the zombie horde that we saw crawling out of the plane wreckage hasn't caught up to us.

I'm gonna—

That's my concern right now.

Oh yeah, that's a, that's a couple hundred miles away.

Okay. I wasn't checking distance.

You guys drove for a really long time.

I think I'm gonna sneak into the kitchen and, uh, just get some hands-on food action without asking.

I—

mm.

Mm. I'm gonna go and try and sneak into the kitchen and steal food with my buddies the Reverend and the State Trooper.

I don't know, that's what I'm going for.

Did Greybeard end up getting like a meal pass with his bedroll, or did that just not count?

He got half of a piece of paper.

Um, he's like ripped it up before they gave it to him.

He ripped it in half in front of him and handed him half of it. And, uh—

So he gets like half, like a side of bacon but no omelette, or like—

He gets a, he gets a bowl of oatmeal.

All right, I thought it was gonna be like a cheese omelette on the ticket, but he ripped it in half so it just says cheese. Well, it's just a pound of cheese. Yeah.

The Reverend— the Reverend is generous and he shares part of his breakfast with Greybeard because that's what a Reverend would do.

Greybeard is very grateful. And avoids getting in trouble.

No, no, no, Greybeard is not grateful. You are grateful.

What? Oh, I am grateful. My bad.

We're gonna— we're gonna keep this into a We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna meld into our characters here.

You're absolutely right.

Become our characters. So we're gonna, we're gonna present a lovely, a lovely environment to our audience.

Okay, well then let me just— well, you can then cut all that shit out and then I'll just be like, thanks very much, Reverend.

I'm gonna leave that in.

Alright, so you guys have, uh— wait, Sick, what are you doing? You said you were looking for stuff out your window?

I mean, I was looking for the whatever the hell we ran from from the airport.

Doing like a quick check?

Yeah, seeing flaming corpses and like crawling after, I was like, I'm a little concerned. My first priority isn't like the local brunch downstairs, it's, uh, not dying.

That's, uh, probably a safe, uh, a safe idea to have. Alright, um, Sick, um, when you wake up, you notice that, uh, the other bed in the room is, uh, is empty. And there's a, uh, there's a little note on the pillow.

Hmm, I've been here before.

That's depressing.

Hey, at least you got a note this time. Alright, so I pick up the note, see if it was the cleaning lady leaving a weird—

The cleaning lady came at night while you were sleeping.

It might be like a weird alternative, like, we're out of chocolates, here's a note explaining why.

This is just like, in Canada they clean the room while you're asleep.

Yeah, so they don't disturb you.

It's, it's a foreign country. I don't know their customs.

It's so they can be incredibly, uh, Oh God. Um, wow, the words are just leaving me today.

Cordial?

Hospitable? Cordial or, um, hospitable. There we go. They're being incredibly hospitable and they clean your room for you at night while you're sleeping.

God damn it.

Um, the note is addressed, uh, assholes. It just says, um, at the top it says, dear assholes, uh, thanks for ruining what should have been a nice routine, uh, trip back to my home. I guess maybe not ruined it, but, uh, yeah, it sucked. So, um, I'm gonna get out of here and you guys are gonna have some fun. So, uh, maybe I'll see you guys around. Hopefully I don't. Uh, how rude.

Whatever.

Whatever is the—

there's a couple of spaces and then it just says whatever. And then, uh, damn it. And then that's it. That's the note.

I mean, I'm a little offended because it wasn't our fault. We didn't destroy the airport. All we did was try to live, so Dick move, Tyler.

Well, uh—

We'll remember this. We'll find you, man.

Graver will remember this.

We'll find you and we'll kill you. That was me speaking, not the Reverend. The Reverend wouldn't ever threaten to kill someone.

I was gonna say, as a state trooper, I can't condone murders. But since I'm on vacation, we'll see what happens.

For a brief moment, you become aware of me in the outside of outside of the game world, and you shake your finger knowingly at the sky.

I look up to the heavens and just go, nay, not on my watch. God, hanging around Greybeard too much. Going crazy.

So we have some breakfast.

Yeah, so you guys are eating breakfast, you guys are doing your shit.

I come down and I tell everyone like, Tyler's out. I don't know where he is. He's gone. And so are our guns. Well—

Yeah, he, um—

I have the gun and Greybeard has the ammo, right? And I think that's all we have.

Yeah, he has the box of ammo. I believe it had like 12 rounds in it?

Yeah.

Yes.

Um, but you just have the, uh, the empty 9mm pistol.

In case of emergencies, this is a dumb setup, but it's a trust thing. We're showing our character trust.

Gimme the ammo, gimme the gun! Um, all right, uh, you— there is a— there's a TV on in the, uh, in the breakfast area, as you will in, uh, most, most, uh, most places that feed their guests. And, um, they have, uh, the news on. It's, um, it's, uh, broadcasting the scene from Newark, also the events that occurred in Toronto that you guys briefly found out about at the airport in Churchill. And now it's also showing what's happening in Churchill, which there really is no Churchill anymore. The town was pretty much overrun by zombies from the Flowing from the airport, from the plane that crashed. Um, you notice that Toronto International Airport and Newark look oddly similar. They're both on fire and they're both— they both have just waves of zombies sort of streaming out of them. You can see the government says that they're trying to contain this, quarantine, uh, whatever's going on, and they will not admit fault for anything.

The Canadian government?

Of course they're not.

Or the US government?

Uh, both governments are acting in unison.

What's the Mexican government doing?

Um...

They just sitting back watching this all unfold?

Siesta.

They're actually working on a, uh—

Taking a nap at 5 PM.

They're working on a, um, a countrywide internet bill so that people have more than a 2 peso connection.

Wow.

Because I mean, come on, our entire audience.

I'm joking, I'm not being serious, but come on. Um, actually Mexico is, uh, they've actually closed their borders to, uh, US citizens. So that's, uh, they've locked down their border in a twist of fate. Um, so You just see the, uh, the Canadian and US governments are both, um, both acting in unison, and they have released a joint statement that says that they are not responsible for the atrocities that have occurred at Newark and Toronto. They're telling people to stay inside. They think that it might be tied to the event that happened 7 years ago. They're not sitting idly by. They're going to do everything they can.

That brings me absolutely no comfort.

Yeah, we're just in the thick of it.

The CDC— you can— that shows images from Newark, and there's like the CDC is moving in, and but they're also armed with machine guns. Like, it's not— they're not going in empty-handed to do testing. And you see them— it showed there are some pretty violent images of them mowing down Zombies. Zombies, or zombies that are on fire.

I mean, they're doing them a favor.

Yeah, you think maybe they're doing them a favor. They're, they're pretty dead, so I mean, they're mostly— favors can't be done really for most people.

They're like 70% dead.

I mean, they're honoring their memory, I guess, would be the, the proper turn of phrase. But, um, all right, so what do you— what are your guys' reactions to what's just transpired on the TV?

I immediately just stand up from the table and just go, that's it, I need guns. Gun, gun, gun.

Um, it's like one of those moments from a town hall where like the local— the local representative stands up and refutes a politician and everyone just starts clapping. And, uh, geez. And there you notice everyone around you is wearing flannel of some sort. Oh, yeah, we're in Canada.

It's just that at that moment we all notice, oh, wait, he's wearing flannel.

Wait a minute.

Where are we? You guys are out of place because you're not wearing flannel something.

Goddamn it.

I mean, I'm wearing, like, priest robes. I assume that in Canada, like, the priests don't just wear, like, flannel priest collars.

It's actually— yeah, um, they wear a black and gray type flannel. that, uh, has the little slot in it for the white collar.

All right, so first on my agenda is to find a proper, uh, priestly uniform. Um, even— I don't tell anybody this, I don't tell anybody else, but that's like— I'm looking around and I'm like, all right, I need to fit in with the local population. I've got to be respected. sort of servant of the Lord and fit in and sort of, you know, build a following. And so, you know, I've got to get myself one of those gray and black flannel priest collars. What are they actually called?

I cannot remember. I used to know.

Wait, why are you building a following? Are you trying to start a cult in the zombie apocalypse?

Well, I'm sort of figuring that I'm here. And I'm gonna be here for at least a little while, and if the world sort of starts to end, you know, I, I don't want to be like just some tourist, you know, just hanging out, you know. We might be here for a while.

I feel like my character's just worried about himself, and he thinks he just wants to like kind of use someone as like a human shield and just like follow them around, and like hopefully if it gets down to like a hairy situation, they could just like push them in front of a bus and then just get away.

I'd like to take this moment to take a few steps away from Greybeard and—

But no, you guys don't know this. You have no idea.

Didn't you just say this, or is this—

No, I'm not announcing this out loud. Like, this is— I'm just— this is out of character.

Oh, did I say that out loud?

Goddamn it.

Greybeard, you realize you're talking?

To be fair, that's entirely within Greybeard's character of saying that out loud accidentally. So yeah, my first order of business is to just find guns, like, more than the one we have.

Okay. Yeah, I, I, I— when I hear you announce that, I fully agree.

Um, in Canada, is it the same rules like the US where you have to wait like 3 days before you buy a gun, or can I just go in with a shopping cart and just start filling up?

I actually have no idea. Um—

Hey, let's go with whatever's easier.

Uh, yeah, so you don't really— there's no real check. Uh, that they, they might, um, they might ask for like identification and they'll probably see that you're a, uh, that you're a venerable officer of the law.

Yeah, I'll give them my police ID.

Didn't we steal a police car?

Yes.

Yeah, oh well, weren't there all sorts of guns in the back too?

There was one gun.

And— no, don't we abandon it?

Oh, that's right, that's what we—

No, we—

there was a van that we abandoned.

Oh, right, someone threw up on the inside of.

Listen, that's right, I have low Constitution.

Um, wait, so while everyone's confused about like, oh, we need guns and stuff, can Greybeard slip behind the bar and look under the bar for a gun? Because usually like, I don't know, some Yeah, sure, um...

That'd be a stealth check.

Does he have a stealth? You've moved silently, we'll do that.

Alright.

So roll a d20 to see if you sneak behind the bar.

No... 7.

Okay, the guy who's making up the omelets, because you notice that the whole setup in this room is there's the bar top and then they have various griddles. lined up along the top of the bar that they're using to, uh, make breakfast for the residents or the people that are staying, the guests of the hotel. And, uh, he, um, pretty deftly looks over and catches you. He, uh, he saw you peripherally and just snapped his head over and was like, I don't think that's a good idea if you do that.

Hey, you! Back it off!

I almost want to battle him, but I just— I, I just—

I, I agree.

Pretty much, I, I just— I accept defeat and I say, you're right, and I walk away.

We have a zombie horde approaching upon us and you've already tried to pick fights with literally every character we've met. I feel like we should get our priorities sorted out.

You're probably right. So yeah, I'll save my health and understand the situation, uh, pick my battles, so to speak.

Okay, um, there's a— there's an ad on the TV actually almost directly after you state your gun— your gun, uh, comment. Come on down to Gillum Co-op Food Store! We got all your guns, we got all your groceries, all in one luxurious location just right off of Matanabe Avenue. You know, just come on down, pick up all your guns, your ammo, anything you need. And, uh, you know, maybe some bread, some eggs, a little milk, and, uh, we get you covered, okay? Uh, yep, that's the Co-op Gillum Food Store. Come on down.

Gillum's Guns and Groceries.

Yep. Wow, that's classic. And, uh, the ad ends and it just says the corner of Radisson and Matanabe Avenue.

I immediately sprint out the door. and have no idea where I'm going, but I try to find whatever those streets were. I already forgot.

Madison and Watanabe Avenue.

You're just running.

Hmm, all right. I got a negative. Where do you go when you come— when you come out of the, uh, the front of the hotel? Do you— are you going left or right?

Let's go right.

You're going through a residential section and you see road directly in front of you. It's a 3-way stop sign. It's Button Owl Road. And, uh, yeah, it's probably not the right direction.

I think I'm gonna also leave and go left. But my, my whole— I, my destination is the gun grocery store, but I'm also looking for people to kind of not mug but pickpocket along the way. I need money to— in order to buy a gun. What— how much money do I have on me? I don't fucking know. What am I gonna give this guy?

Not much, you spent it all on Bitcoin bedrolls.

I didn't buy Bitcoin!

He invested in it, and a little bit of return was a couple, couple pieces of Bitcoin.

Yeah, it was a waste.

Well, I guess it's good that we separated then if you're gonna be stealing stuff.

Yeah, so the police officer doesn't see you, uh, robbing people. State trooper.

I earned that answer.

He went the wrong way anyway, so I think I, I'm like, I don't know how far I have to go.

You have a, you have a nice You have a nice, uh, a nice lead on him heading towards the food store, the food and gun emporium.

Okay.

So, um, yeah, you can see there are several people like walk— just like walking down the street because Matanabe is one of the main avenues in, um, in Gillam. It's the public pools here, uh, Doug's, um, it's near the, uh the Co-op Cardlock, which is a gas station. So there's like— and there's a shop, a small shopping center, like a, um, strip mall. So there's, uh, there are plenty, plenty of, uh, people out.

I, I think I changed my mind, and I'm thinking, I wonder how nice these people are in Canada. Let me just beg for money for a few and see how that goes.

Okay, um, I would just roll— I— yeah, just roll a d20.

Okay.

Let's see how this goes. Oh, a 1!

Oh no.

Goddammit, I just need some money for a gun.

They spit on you and tell you you're scum of the earth.

You approach, you approach a woman, a woman, um, in her mid to late 30s, and, uh, you approach her for money. And she takes a step back and says, I, uh, I don't have any on me, uh, don't you know? Um, but I, uh, yeah, I gotta go. And she kind of like turns around and runs away in the opposite direction.

Oh no.

Oh, so I scared her a little bit.

For a 1 on the d20, that's actually pretty nice.

Yeah, that ended quite well considering it was a roll of 2.

You have an idea that critical misses in Canada are a little less harsh.

There's a buffer.

There's a Canadian buffer.

This is such a nice—

we're playing this game on easy mode.

Magical land. Everyone's got the, uh, the homestyle, down-home Sarah Palin outlook.

Oh God.

You get your guns, you get your Bible, and you get your family.

So when you roll the d20, it just falls in the snow and it's just soft and she's like—

It wasn't as hard of a roll.

Yeah.

Okay, um, so what's Matt doing?

The Reverend.

The Reverend.

Oh God.

Well, so I sort of see— I see Sick Rhymes go right out of the, the hotel and I see Graybeard go left out of the hotel and Graybeard sort of like runs and then sort of stops and sort of plonks himself down and like starts begging people for money. You know, he's got his hands up.

I imagine like a dog, he's going like full sprint and then just stops immediately.

Yeah, like he realizes, wait, I shouldn't rob people. And then he like stops and he starts begging, and like some lady gets scared off. And then I see Sick Rhyme just sort of zigzagging off into the distance to the right, and I'm like— and so I, I, I, you know, take my plate which I finished eating, I bring it up to like where they have like the trash can and like you drop like your tray and I put it down and I get a napkin and I sort of wipe up my place where I was sitting, make it sort of nice for the people that are cleaning up. And I happen to have the keys for the police cruiser in my pocket. And so I sort of sigh very loudly and, um, I walk out the front door of the hotel. I get in the police cruiser and I, I head off towards Sick Rhymes. I'm gonna go pick him up before he gets too far. Um, so the—

Just like stray dogs running around.

I'm like, ah, Priest's got to do all the dirty work, you know, and just kind of keeping everybody together and, and figuring this out. Sick Rhymes is just like crazed.

You know, it's just I'm really good with guns, and I get very uncomfortable when I don't have one.

Yeah, or you're just like guns, and you ran out of the hotel and really need it. Like, you're just like no idea where you're going.

It was very similar to the the Beggins commercial. Yeah, and I don't even have a phone.

Like a true American.

Alright, so yeah, you— I guess you would see him kind of like, what are you doing? What are you doing, Sick?

Uh, at this point I realize I'm going the wrong way and try to ask whoever I can find to point me in the direction of the grocery gun emporium, which I once again forget where it is.

There's a man there and he is, uh, more than happy to help out, to show people Which way to the guns?

This is like an information kiosk?

Um, does he get like a sponsorship? Like he gets a little money every time he sends someone there?

Uh, he is, uh, he's just a standard citizen in the town of Gillam. He, uh, he said, you know what, you're, uh, you're just gonna want to go back down, uh, Matanape Avenue and, uh, Gillam Food Store's right there. It's gonna be on your right towards the end. Don't go around the turn. Um, you'll know what I'm talking about when you get there. It's a pretty large building.

Don't slip on the ice.

And, uh, you have yourself a— you saw you have yourself a nice shiny day, okay?

Shiny?

Yeah, shiny.

I'll take it. So I would just thank him and immediately turn around and just start sprinting back down the other way.

Yeah, um, all right, so at this time What, uh, the Reverend is actually coming down the road in the police cruiser.

So, uh, do I have to roll to make sure I don't hit him?

No, no, no, no.

I jump over the hood of the car and do that like cop slide. Oh God, no, I don't. I don't.

So what do you guys do when you see each other? What are you doing?

I'm gonna sort of like start like honking the horn and I'm gonna like start waving and gesturing like, come on, come on, we'll get in.

Eh, I've put him through enough already. I'll jump in.

Okay, and then you guys do a— I take it you do a U-ey?

A U-ey.

Yeah, with the e-brake for, uh, flair.

So we, we make a U-ey, we, we start driving back towards Greybeard, and we sort of know where we're going now. And so, um, I'm assuming we see Greybeard like just on the side of the road, hat in hand. Does he have a hat?

I don't think I have a hat, but I'm like, my hands outstretched, right?

Yeah, you're prostrate right now on the ground.

Yeah, and I see the cop car coming and I think, oh no, here we go again. And I'm like, I'm in trouble.

Okay, you think it's the cops.

So yeah, I'm like pretty much thinking I should start running.

You've already forgotten who the crime is.

I tug the Reverend, I'm like, just keep going, don't, don't slow down, just, just drive past him.

Okay, you guys leave him, uh, running like mad down, um, Otonobi Avenue.

Is he heading like the direction of the, the food/gun store?

Yeah, yeah.

I was gonna be going— continue going left.

All right, so we just head towards that anyway, because I mean, how far could Greybeard possibly get?

Yeah, you guys pass him.

Greybeard just hears behind him, still running.

Yeah, as soon as— yeah, as soon as they pass me, I feel a lot— I feel relieved, and I continue to beg, and I hope the next time that someone has money that they will actually give me.

Um, there is another person walking down the street who didn't see you scare the bejesus out of that lady, and It's a, it's a man wearing a, uh, a puffy vest.

Oh gosh, he's gotta have some kind of cash. Let me— I'm gonna get my composure and approach him and explain. Not like a typical beg, it's gonna be like a—

You're gonna sell it.

All my family members are dead, really sad sap story, and really lay it on thick and be like, I have nowhere to go, and see what he— how he responds.

All right, um, What he doesn't know is Greybeard killed his family.

Did he? Potentially. I don't know. I don't think that's true.

We'll get into that in another time and place. Um, yeah, just roll a d20 because you don't have a charisma— your bluff check doesn't really— you don't really have a bluff check, so. All right.

15.

He, uh, he, he, uh, he looks very sad. He's like, I'm so sorry to hear that. Um, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I hope it— I hope things go well for you in the future, and I'm going to help you right now try to get back on the path to, uh, to prosperity. And he gives you Um, he gives you around $200 Canadian.

Oh, fantastic. And I, I fake burst into tears and hug him and say, this is so helpful. I, I can really, uh, start getting my life back together. Thank you so much. I will never forget this interaction.

Uh, he seems general— genuinely touched. And, uh, he, uh, he walks away with a little, uh, little pep in his step because he's happy he's done a good deed. He's done his good deed for the, for the day.

He's gonna get into Canadian heaven.

He's, uh, he's bought his way up into the big maple leaf in the sky.

And I have a great pep in my step because I'm like, I can definitely buy some kind of handgun with this and some ammo.

Okay, um, yeah, you guys pull into the parking lot. You guys are— you guys are there.

You see—

you see it. It's like basically like Walmart size.

Oh my God.

It's a Walmart-sized food store, and you're kind of wondering why the hell they would have a store this big in a town this small, but a lot stranger things have happened.

So, you know, like the zombie apocalypse or whatever.

Yeah. That. Um, so yeah, there's, uh, there's plenty of parking. It doesn't seem like there's too many people at the store today. So yeah, so you— Greybeard probably catches you guys, catches up with you.

Are we gonna have to roll to see whether the cart that we get has like one of those little rattly wheels that like squeaks to the side and like it's like making awful noise the entire time?

Uh, well, I mean, there's like plenty of carts to choose from, so it's not really random. You guys can pick a good cart if you want one.

Okay.

Oh no, we got the squeaky wheel. I guess we're sticking with it.

Yeah, so you guys have a nice, a nice cart. Uh, you guys are going in. You guys are going. Uh, this is your guys' first time shopping together.

Oh, how cute.

This is a big deal.

I guess anything we do is the first time we're doing it together since we've never met each other.

Yeah, not outside of a, uh, the end of the world. So yeah, I mean, so that's pretty cool.

So am I in this, in this shop yet, or am I just like catching up, or did I make it?

Yeah, you caught up to them in the parking lot.

So, okay, maybe you're just riding in the cart.

Yeah, I was actually—

oh, perfect.

Um, yeah, so you guys are just shopping. What do you guys— you guys are looking for guns and Anything else you can get your, uh, your grubby little hands on?

I have a personal firearms proficiency.

The Reverend does not have grubby hands.

Mmm, okay.

Roll to see if you have grubby hands.

Uh, no, I'm just messing around. Um, all right, so, um, so what are you guys looking for specifically?

I have a personal firearms proficiency, so I'm gonna head right for the Like smaller, almost pistol area.

They have a nice, a nice little lineup.

Noice.

You feel pretty good about this lineup. Let me look up this lineup. And you just went by yourself, or did the others go with you?

I'm not really concerned if they're following me or not.

I'm actually following because I also have a personal firearms proficiency, and also Simple weapons proficiency.

There are a variety of pistols available for you.

Awesome, can you tell me what they are? Because I actually have money and I'm about to buy one if the guy doesn't think I look too shady.

They have the Beretta 92F, which is a 9mm auto-loading handgun.

What's the ammo that we have since we already have ammo for a gun?

You have 12 Rounds of 9mm.

9mm, okay. Yeah.

There's a Colt Python, which is a .357 revolver.

What's like damage stats on them? Because like, I, I just want to know.

Um, Beretta does 2d6 damage. The Python does 2d6 as well.

Oh, what's the gun I had earlier that I took from Greybeard?

You recognize it as a Glock 17. Yeah, that does 2d6.

So I'm gonna try and get another gun as well as buying ammo for the Glock.

Okay, they— what else do they have? They also have a Pathfinder, which is a .22 revolver, and a Smith& Wesson M29, which is a .44 Magnum revolver.

Yeah, what are the— what are the prices on everything?

Um, let's see here. The Beretta 92 is around $200. It's like $190. And that's around the same price actually for the, uh, the Python revolver. The .357 revolver is around the same price as the Beretta. And the Glock is $50 more, so it's $250 for the Glock and around $200 for the Beretta. And the, uh, The Python. And the Pathfinder is $150. And the .44 Magnum revolver is $350.

Oh, Jesus. Well, the Reverend's just not gonna buy anything because he can't afford anything. Although, I can try and like use my— I think—

don't credit cards work internationally?

Oh, that's true. Um, I— well, I have to roll to see whether like Visa's fraud detection kicks in and like blocks them.

Well, I mean, they're, they're a little— I'm sure they have bigger fish to fry right now with, uh, the incidents that are going on.

Zombies are charging up credit cards.

The Ministry credit card in my pocket.

So I— Ministry the card.

Um, I'm looking at my—

You have a $500 limit on that, by the way.

Ooh.

Oh wow, I'm definitely buying the Beretta though, right now.

Okay. You, uh, you buy a Beretta. You have the 12 rounds of ammo on you already, so you can load it, whatever.

Awesome, fuck yes.

What was the one that was 3—

the magazine on the Beretta holds 15 rounds, by the way, so you don't have a full clip.

Okay, that makes sense. Also, what's ammo look like for that? I know I only have $10 left, but—

9mm.

I might—

Yeah, it's 9mm ammo. Um, you can get—

And should I write this down in gear, right?

Yeah. Um, so you have a Beretta 92F, 9mm. Um, it does damage 2d6. Uh, to critical, you have to roll a 20. You can get, uh, you can buy a, uh, another box of, uh, another box of 20 ammo for $10.

Oh please, yeah, I need that. All right, all right, so now I'm up to 32 rounds.

Seeing how expensive it all is, I think I'm gonna lay back and then just buy more ammo for my Glock.

Okay, so So, uh, how much, how much money do you plan on putting down for ammo? Uh, they have a— the small box of 20 is $10.

The—

there's a 50-round, uh, case you can buy that, uh, that is $25.

I get 2 50-rounds, so I'll spend $50 and get 100, uh, bullets.

Okay, they come with holsters. By the way, uh, or like, well, they give you a free holster for buying so much ammo.

Nice.

And it also comes with a nice little, uh, pocket knife.

Oh, we get a pocket knife with it?

Yeah, it comes with your ammo.

Sweet.

Is that just Greybeard? I mean, is that just, uh, Sekh?

You get it, you get a pocket knife and a holster as well.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Um, so the Reverend, uh, basically just says, you know, what's, what's the cheapest gun you can offer? Because I have no ammo and that I can use, and I have no existing gun to buy ammo for.

He, uh, the guy behind the counter says, actually, uh, we have a couple of these lying around. And he, uh, he pulls open a little drawer and it's, um, he pulls out a box that has, uh, 4 derringers, derringer pistols. They're .45 round. They do 2d6 and they're 20 critical, but they only fire in a 10-foot range and each one holds 2 rounds in the chamber.

That's actually perfect for the Reverend, I think, because I don't think the Reverend really ever wants to just shoot anybody. So, um, how much is one?

It's around $100.

Yeah, that, that's good.

So you're just gonna buy one?

Yeah.

Okay, do you— are you gonna buy ammo or anything?

Um, yeah, so that would— you said it was $100?

Yeah.

Um, I'll buy $50 worth of ammo.

Okay, he gives you, um, He gives you a belt with derringer ammo on it, like in little thingies.

And, uh, souped-up priest.

It's got the— a baby holster attached to it. It looks kind of comical because derringers aren't very big. They're kind of like fit in your hand.

And how much ammo did I get?

Uh, there are 40 rounds.

40 rounds on the For $50.

Yeah, the Derringer ammo is a little, uh, pricier because it's just not a— it's, it's more of a niche gun.

It's a priest gun. That's a priest gun right there.

That's a priest gun. That's something a priest would carry.

Can I also look to see whether they carry, uh, flannel clerical collars?

They, um, there's a hunting section. Um, and there's a— there's hunting gear for priests, actually.

Pri— wait, hold on.

What?

I'm gonna call into question here. This is weird.

Uh, you think maybe this, this town is a little, uh—

A little bit Canadian?

A little bit.

A little bit, a little bit Canadian.

Do they have like little bullets that say like the power of Christ on each shell? Like, what do you mean by priest hunting gear?

The priest hunting gear is like gear in— it's like your, uh, the standard priest robes, except it's like they have some that's camouflaged, and then they have, they have just other types of, uh, priestly, priestly, uh, garb in camo colors.

That's really convenient. Um, Can I get like a proper like priestly hunting outfit for a reasonable price?

Use your, uh, your Christ card.

Yeah, my Christ card. All right, so I got $250 left. I get the, the top and the bottom. Uh, and did I get a free pocket knife as well?

Yeah, yours, uh, he's like, I don't know why we have these, but we have some lying around, and he gives you one that has like a little cross on it.

I'm for it. I love it. All right.

If you don't carve into a zombie's head and say the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and you carve a cross, no, I'll be very disappointed in you.

All right, we'll figure something out though.

So I whisper to the priest, let's just kill everyone and take the rest of the ammo.

Okay.

Um, I, I sort of like Shush, Greybeard, and like, shh, shh, don't, don't say that. Don't say that so loud.

Okay, 'cause I was gonna say, if he liked that idea, I would have gone with it.

I would—

no!

You asked a priest to just like murder a whole room full of people to steal ammo.

We just cover up his mouth and we're just like, don't listen to crazy Uncle Eddie. He's, uh, he's fucking insane.

Alright, so we—

is that my name?

Sure, that's what we're pretending to be so we walk out of here quicker.

Dear God. So, we've all paid for our stuff, we're all kitted out. What are we doing now?

I think we should probably just leave this building, maybe go to another town and hope for the best.

Hmm.

Is there any way we can like— do we have— any of us have like cell phones or we can go to find another TV and see like if the damage we saw at the airport is coming towards us or You know, what's the current situation?

Well, there is a, uh, there's actually an electronics section in the store.

Of course there is.

And they are— it's— they're airing, uh, the breaking news as it comes in. There's been another, another, uh, airport that's gone down in flames. It's another big one. It's, uh, Denver International. It looks like it's sort of starting to, uh, go across the states, if you will. You can assume that most major cities are pretty— are possibly going to get hit with something similar.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening. This is Matt here again. I just want to give you a couple bits of news and sort of the same old spiel that I give you every time. First of all, I'd like to welcome the Press Continue Podcast to the Almost Better Network, which is sort of the network that Almost Better Than Dragons, Almost Better Than Silence, and now the Press Continue Podcast will be coming in under. Hopefully we're gonna have a really great, awesome website for you guys soon, so something to look forward to. If, as always, you enjoyed the episode, please leave us a like or share or review. And also make sure to subscribe to make sure that you receive future episodes of Elmas: Bed and Dragons. You, of course, want to know what happens. We just finished today, actually, the day that I'm editing this episode, we just finished episode 6 recording, and it is phenomenal. So if you listened to the episode and you enjoyed it, make sure you're subscribed to make sure that you're gonna get updates in the future. You can do that on Facebook by liking our Facebook page, or of course subscribing on iTunes or your favorite podcasting application. If you have fan art that you would like to send us, please send it to [email protected]. We would love to see it. We'd love to hear from you guys. And anything that we get is gonna go on our Tumblr, which is almostbetterthandragons.tumblr.com. As always, thank you so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. Even if Sick Rhymes doesn't do one of his signature rhymes in every single episode, which for me personally was a huge disappointment, but you can't win them all. But he will actually make some good rhymes in the next 2 episodes. So keep your ears peeled and your eyes open. You'll get some more Sick Rhymes inside your head. Inside your head. Very soon you'll be listening to him. Anyway, thanks again and thanks for listening. Bye.