S1E2 -Roll for Vomit

Previously on Almost Better Than Dragons there was a plane crash in Canada. There was actually an experimental biological weapon on board that turned people into what they called zabi. You guys are currently in Newark International Airport. Matt had previously described his character as looking like an older Jeff Goldblum.

So my character's name is is Sick Rhymes.

Goes around shooting animals, stuffing them, selling them for huge profit.

So I just decide to sneak in one of the bags, pretty much I just empty it and then get in.

You guys are told the boards are playing. The tenant takes your tickets. You managed to get your zipper open on the bag a little bit, but it gets caught in your beard.

I'm going to drag you down with me.

You guys see a disturbance through the window in the airport, and you hear your captain come on the line. He's like, ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some disturbances inside the airport.

Say, let's all join in prayer.

So you can see other people in the planes panicking a little bit, like, what's going on?

What the hell?

You hear that? They may or may not be thinking about putting on Last Holiday, starring Queen Latifah. You don't find super fancy wine, but you do find a couple of boxes of wine that people were smuggling. You guys are landing in Churchill. You don't know what you're landing into either, based on the terror that you saw.

Legal error he made in 1967, and.

He without food, water, and medical supplies. People and local officials who live in the area have been critical of what they see. As a girl should have refrained from conducting any activities. Dead bodies in New Orleans, in the.

Water or in buildings.

But the head of the American Public.

Health Associates was a different kind of war. No armies came to our shores.

Our military was not the principal target.

There was a plane crash in Canada. There was an experimental biological weapon on board that turned people into zombies. All right, guys. So everyone, you guys just landed, and you notice things are pretty peaceful in this area. It's a beautiful area. It's Canada. Yeah, it's Canada. It's wilderness. You guys are in Churchill, Canada, right now, and there's a light snow falling, and it's a little cold. You guys start getting off the plane. What do you guys do? You guys just getting off?

Yeah, I'm going for a luggage.

Yeah, I scared the shit out of the luggage people, I think.

Yeah, they noticed that there's sort of a moving bundle of clothing and jackets in the bottom of the plane, and there's just a whole bunch of empty wine boxes around them.

So can I roll to see how I emerge or something? I pretty much want to emerge with a fur coat and scare them thinking that I'm a monster and just, like, run away.

Before you do that, I want you to roll to see how much piss is on the floor around you because you drank multiple boxes of wine.

He just refilled the wine boxes and.

I put him in the corner, the far corner.

Roll for accuracy.

Yeah, I'll have a what kind of check would that be?

A urine roll.

We're going to have you roll a disguise check.

There you go.

Wait, I think I have disguise.

You have a zero.

Fuck. All right. Okay, so I'm rolling.

Wow, warren, they know that you're some fun stowaway. They can stow away very easily.

It's pretty obvious.

Pissed everywhere.

They're like, what the fuck are you doing in here? How did you even get in here?

Is that the slap on the wrist? And he's out?

No, they're like, staring at you, waiting.

They're expecting me to respond to talk.

They would be a lot more polite about it because they are Canadian, so they'd probably apologize.

No, I remain silent and I apologize.

For my language, but what the fuck are you doing here?

I remain silent and just shrug.

Great.

Come with me. We're going to go see what we can do about sending you back the Newark.

No. Is there a way for that? I like roll to see if I can escape them because I have some brawling abilities. I'm not about to let you sprint. Yeah, these are some bag movers. I can take them down. I've been in many a fight.

All right.

How many are there? Two of these dudes.

Two of them?

I thought so.

They're wearing the usual luggage stuff. They have the headphones on.

How about sick rhymes walks down the run plane, he gets off and he smells the wine on graveyard and knows a fellow lush when he smells them and comes over and tries to play him off like it's his buddy. And we've just been binge drinking all weekend.

And you're in luck. It's because of his being such a small airport. Everyone kind of you ever guys ever get on a plane through the stairs?

Yeah.

That's why I imagine you're getting off.

You have to unload everyone through the stairs so everyone's unloading and you guys can see a scuffle getting ready to break out. They have gray beard, literally by his beard, and they look pretty average in size. So what do you guys do?

Can I go for deception check and try to play it off like he's my buddy and he just got into the wrong section of the plane? Complete misunderstanding.

Let's see here. Yeah, why not?

I'm a happy drunk.

Let's see what happens.

That's a charisma challenge.

That's my kind of cop.

Yeah. Is that charisma?

Yeah. You get a plus one to that?

Yeah. Do I just roll a D 20?

Yeah, I just roll a D 29.

So plus one is ten.

All right, well, they look a little skeptical. They're like, I don't know. He doesn't look like he would be hanging out with you. You two look to like completely different individuals.

That's the magic of alcohol. It brings people together from different wahu.

Well, I see you do have escape artist.

That I do. Okay, sleight of hand. I got this rank four and plus three for sex and that is also a nine. So that's 16.

Okay.

And then escape artist. Where is it? I got rank one and then plus for Dex bonus.

Yeah, I'm not going to get a bunch of sheet.

That'll be 18 plus four. That's 22.

Okay. You kind of just grab him and butter some gibberish at them and they kind of seem a little puzzled, but then when they turn around, you guys are both gone.

Sweet, dude, thanks for getting me out of this vest.

Like a pair of drunken ninjas, they.

Hear a whooshing sound. Well, where did they go? Eh? And then they just shrug their shoulders and go back to pulling luggage from the plane.

Yeah, where did they go?

Well, they just slipped back in with the rest of the passengers coming off the plane.

We have quite the drunken story to tell our friends. Like, I found this guy underneath the.

Plane pulling out this crazy wizard looking.

Fellow and we are both drunk as fun.

They usher you guys into there are people leading you guys, taking you into the airport. And when you guys get in there, you notice there's huge news feeds, stuff going on on the TVs inside the airport by the luggage claim. Most of it's just breaking news. Mysterious incident at Newark airport leaves airport erupt erupting in flames. And you see people running on fire out of the airport just like screaming and God, there's an unexplained amount of people coming out of the airport. It looks like there are more people coming out of the airport than were there originally that you guys had saw or seen. What do you guys do? You guys are in. How do you guys react? First off to seeing that I guess.

I elbow grape here and I go loose. We're not there anymore, am I right? I'm sad now. Happy, drunks going on.

Make the sign of the cross. And I sort of bow my head. In a moment of silence, you see.

The rest of the passengers sort of like nodding their heads in approval that you're saying, oh, you're such a good person for doing this. You're such a good individual for being reverent in this manner. And it makes the other passengers that just got off the plane feel a little bit better to see someone praying for praying for the events of Newark. Newark, New Jersey.

Well, they need prayer anyway, but that's a different story.

Tyler, what are you doing when you see the news?

Thank God this plane wasn't late. I'm going to go buy the pilot.

Train that comes out of Newark on time, leaves Newark on time, which, you.

Know, this is fantasy just from wait.

This is a little late, but can I say that I went through Tyler's bag and grabbed one of his favorite stuffed animals just as a sidekick?

I guess it's not really relevant, but I guess that works. It's whatever.

You just add it to your inventory.

Cool. I'm not sure what animal it is. What kind of animals did you have in your bags?

I guess just, like, a stuffed rabbit.

Okay.

Something that kept your like you probably tucked it into one of your jackets to keep extra heat in.

Yeah.

I love him and pet him and take care of him.

All right, so you guys are at baggage claim waiting for your bags. Now you're a criminal. Graveyard. You're a criminal. Are you thinking about taking a bag?

Yeah, because I need some new clothes. I mean, I was going to settle with just the rabbit, but I don't know. I'm sure I could get more than just that. But the thing is, now I'm hanging out with this guy just met, so I'm kind of also leery. I'm not sure I want to just steal something right in front under this guy's nose. I might have to lose him.

Well, he wouldn't know, honestly, because oh, true. I guess he would, because he helped you get out of underneath the plane, so we knew you didn't really have a bag.

He's still inebriated, though, so I might be able to he's holding on my.

Drunken corpse, so he's my best friend right now. Okay.

So I basically ask Sick Rhymes if he can help me with my bags. Like I said, these three bags are mine.

Okay. Roll a D 20.

Okay.

You grab a it was a 13. Yeah. The first bag that you point at is, like, a pink child's bag.

God damn it.

A little roller bag, and it's got Mickey Mouse on the cut on the front of it. And then the second one that you point at is an incredibly large piece of luggage, rectangular in shape, that also has wheels. And then the third thing you grab is a duffel bag that's around medium size, but it's kind of heavy. It's probably about £25.

Okay, well, yeah, that sounds like a good grab.

So I guess Sick Rhymes helps you take these bags that don't belong to you and helps you heft them. I guess. Which one do you want to carry? The pink one?

Yeah, I'll wear the pink backpack. And then is it backpack style or how is that one?

It's a little wheelie one.

I'll wheel that, and then I'll duffel bag in my hand. The other one, and he gets the massive thing.

Okay, so he's, like, trying to drag this huge, massive briefcase drunk strikes.

He's got this.

All right, and the rest of you guys get your bags then.

Yeah.

Okay.

I have a fairly large crate. I need a luggage cart. One of those little metal luggage carts. Okay, what do you go over and I sort of stand next to the little machine that dispenses them for, like, a quarter, and I wait until somebody's about to bring one back, and before they bring it back and like, oh, I'll just take it. Thank you, thank you.

I sort of get a free luggage cart out of someone.

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, can I just I don't have a quarter.

And as they're most likely just a regular passerby, they're like, yeah, whatever. Who cares? It's a quarter. They give you the cart. And so now you have your cart.

I can't tell who's the bigger criminal, the river or Gray Beard.

And I go over, and I wait for my solid gold luggage to come around on the carousel.

God damn it.

Wasn't that part of my one of.

The three bags I was selecting gold one.

Let me get the Mickey Mouse.

Yeah, it's not really solid. It's plated, but, I mean all right.

So you get your luggage. How many pieces do you have? Just one.

I packed relatively light.

Okay.

I didn't really actually need the cart. I just wanted to pull a fast one.

All right, so you have your cart, and you have your luggage on it. And how much stuff did you bring, Tyler?

I had a trunk, which would have had the weapons that I was bringing with, and then just the regular suitcase to close.

Okay. You see the suitcase, but you don't see the trunk. You're kind of trying to figure out where the trunk went.

Flagging down some attendant.

Yeah. And they're like, oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't apologize more. I have no idea where there could have possibly gone. If you want, you can go hang out in the Tim Hortons we have over there and wait for us to contact you.

Is everything I eat on the house? It better be. I'm going to grab him.

Of course.

That's what I thought. I'm just going to push him down and go eat at Tim Hortons.

Okay. You go over to Tim Hortons and get multiple amounts of I don't even anything. You can get all the donuts you want, probably poutine. Yeah.

Mechanism delicious.

All right. So sick. Rhymes and Gray Beard are together. What are you guys going to do now that you're getting ready to leave the airport?

I actually forgot my bag entirely because I thought the bag I was pushing, that's gray beards, I thought it was mine. So I just leave my baggage on the carousel and just go with Graybeard.

All right. Suddenly there is the flight that's coming in from Toronto. It's trying to land, but there's something a little bit wrong. There's fire coming out of one of the engines. It's a little wrong.

It's a little off.

All right. I rolled a D 20, rolled the 19. It's coming in on fire. And it slams into the runway and glides past the airport and just starts spitting flames everywhere. As it hits the end of the runway, it kind of just comes to a grinding halt, and then the side door bursts open, and you just see what looks like people flooding out onto the tarmac. Just, like, running and jumping over top of each other and stuff and just clawing at each other. And what do you guys do? How do you guys respond to that?

So they come off, and they're clawing each other, like, trying to get over or, like, attacking each other.

It looks like there are a few people that are out ahead that are trying to get away, but they're getting chased down and mauled by the other people.

I immediately vomit and finally work out the rest of the alcohol out of my system, so I'm no longer ineviated, just very weak from constant vomit.

I open up the mini mouse bag and see if there's anything I can comfort with.

There.

I'll take it.

You see that there are just, like, miscellaneous items that would be in a children's bag. Like, there's some little t shirts and stuff, and you're like, what is this bag? Why did I grab this? You notice there's, like, a little teddy bear in there. You kind of pull that out and give it to them.

Feel better?

I wipe my mouth with the bear vomit.

Do you do anything else with the bear, or you just wipe your mouth with it?

I just wipe throw it away immediately.

Yeah. I ditched the rest of the bag.

Too, because I'm like, well, that was very dumb grab.

Yeah.

All right. Other than that other than throwing up, is that even induced by the plane crash that just happened outside?

The little column a, little column b.

Okay.

My character takes it pretty calmly. He's like, I've seen this before.

I'm starting to regret my decision of saving him.

What does the reverend do?

Well, I'm thinking, like, what would my original plan have been? I'd probably try and rent a car. So I don't really have any way of getting to the polar bear bed and breakfast that I'm staying at. I guess I could try and get there. I'm thinking, I've got to get out of here, right? I don't even care what's going on. There's people like mauling other people. I just got to go. So I'm thinking to myself, what the fastest way? It's probably easiest. I sort of just run over to the I drop my luggage. I run over to the rental counter, and I say, quick, I'm on clerical business. I need a van immediately.

All right. Roll a bluff check.

I don't trust him. I don't know if he's really a reverend. I think he's a con artist.

All right. He says.

17, and then I have one for bluff.

Yeah, 18. So he looks up and down and sees that. Are you wearing the standard clerical garb with the white collar?

Yeah, the little white in the middle.

Okay. He believes what you're saying, and he.

Looks at you and he said, like an Oreo.

All we have to rent right now are our vans. Not moving vans, but transport vans. Is that okay?

Like a shuttle bustle.

Kind of like a ram. Like one of the old Ram. Dodge Ram.

Okay.

Yeah, kind of, but it's got, like.

Room, like a Ford E 350 or something.

Yeah.

Exactly what I wanted.

Okay. He gives you the keys. They look kind of old and beaten down. He's like, this is the last rental we have. He's like, I don't know what happened to the rest of the rest of the Reynolds. We had, like, just like, an hour and a half ago. We had other keys. He so he gives you the the van keys, and you just, like, book it out to the van.

How conveniently.

Plot driven.

Tyler, how do you react?

I'm gonna hop over the counter the Tim Hortons and find either some sort of broomer, knife, and whatever I find. If I find a broom or something, I'm just going to snap the handle and grab a doughnut and head back to see if my luggage is there.

All right. I'm going to roll to see what you find real quick.

Someone who just drank his body weight and tiny bottles. Intense.

You find one of the brooms with it kind of has, like, a plastic handle.

Plastic. Not wood.

Not wood.

Plastic they'll have to do.

You also find a little metal dust pan. All right.

Come in handy. I'll take a broom in one hand and the dust pan the other, and I'll head back to see if my trunk ever showed up.

He's going to clean up this world.

And out of the corner your eye, you see your trunk in the airport being pulled along by Sick Rhimes character. And how do you react?

I'm going to drop into a full sprint and start tell him to drop the trunk as I'm winding up to nail him with the broom.

All right.

Are you still drunk?

No, he didn't drink. He slept most of the flight.

Oh, that's right.

We are the alcoholic stuff.

Oh, yeah.

So gray beard and sick rhymes, what do you guys do?

You just see can I do a reaction saving throw against his, like, if he's coming at me? Because I got evasion, so I wasn't sure.

He's just charging at you right now, getting ready to hit you in the face.

And are we still indoor or outdoor of the airport? Because I'm like, can I look around for a vehicle to escape with?

Well, we still have to go through customs because we came from the United States.

Well, that whole thing is, like, gone to shit. These are people panicking all over the place.

We're just rushing out of the building at this point.

No, I have nothing to declare. The holy hand grenade is not covered by customs.

That was actually in your luggage. You check that. Okay.

I didn't find it and snack it.

Yeah.

I think once we see Tyler running out of at least I see him, I just drop the trunk and just book it. I don't care whose trunk it is anymore, and I just get the hell out of there.

Okay. So you guys are all running out. Tyler, what do you do? Do you go for your case?

I'm going to open it up and pull out the hatchet, tuck the knife into my boot, and then hurl the Winchester over my shoulder and grab a box of ammo.

Okay, and then you're just going to.

Allow yeah, I'm going to head out the opposite side of the airport, I guess, where everyone else inside is running.

Yeah. Outside, you see a parking lot just, like, filled with people trying to get in, cars and such, and you see that there's a rather large looking van sitting nearby with a man getting inside of it wearing all black. And I guess you go over to that one.

Basically, as I'm walking over, I'm just loading up the gun with some ammo. I'm commandeering this vehicle.

All right, reverend, what do you say to that?

I don't know. I've sort of shot. No, no, you can't. I'm not going to, like, fight them, though. I'm going to just, like, sort of slide over to the passenger seat or whatever. Is there a center console in in those vans? No, I'm not entirely sure.

No. Asking the important questions?

No, they're captain's chairs in the front. Okay.

Yeah.

So I sort of just slide over to the passenger seat, which is good, because I don't like to drive myself anyway.

So you're willing to have a companion with you?

Yeah. I'm sort of upset right now because obviously he's sort of jacking the van, but I guess I'm sort of glad that there's somebody else that wants to get away from the airport.

Sick rhymes and gray beard. What do you guys do? You guys are hauling ass out of the airport. What are you guys doing?

I was hoping we'd be looking for something to commandeer as well, hopefully. I was thinking there's probably, like, a cop car somewhere that's unattended. We got to get a cop car.

There's a police officer cruiser. Like a police cruiser.

It's actually a Toyota Prius that's just painted to look like a police cruiser.

Good boy. It has a pair of fake moose antlers on the front.

You roll up in your window around Christmas time.

Yeah. And it looks like it's vacated right now because the police are trying to calm everyone down and get into the airport and see what's going on. And at that moment, you look behind you, and you see the tarmac, like the gate. There's a fencing that goes around. This is a smaller airport. There's kind of fencing that goes around, and you can see more of the flaming individuals, like the people that are on fire come slam into the fencing and start to move. The fencing, like, push it down and start to knock it over.

Oh, God.

People are just incomplete panic, running, trying to get into vehicles. You see more people getting mauled by what looked now, like, charred, like, brick, charred people.

Why are these people just catching fire?

You think it might have something to do with the explosion that happened in Newark, but you're not sure. What do you guys do? You guys get in the car and take the cop car.

I say, let's take this car. Let's take it far. Let's get the hell out of this airport yard.

As long as you ride shotgun, the gray beard is taking the drive, and I have two for drive, if that counts. Yes.

And six rides actually has three for drive.

Oh, shit.

You guys are proficient at driving also?

I am a state trooper.

I know, but that's the irony. It's like I'm like, just watch me.

You guys get into the melee, basically, of cars and try to get out of the lot. So what are you guys doing in the van? Do you guys using the van for stuff?

Is it making progress through the sea of panicking people?

Yeah. What do you guys do in this situation with this van?

I'm in the passenger seat right now, and I sort of pull out my little pocket Bible and I open it up.

Yeah.

And I think it's the end of days, and so I start praying, making the sign of the cross. And I open my wallet, get out my credit card, call the credit card company. How much money do I what's my balance? My credit limit comes from me.

All right, so what do you do, Toddler?

I'm assuming that it's probably congested, trying to get out of here.

Yeah. I mean, like, you're driving a pretty large vehicle, though, so you might be able to drive through some of it.

Is there any access roads, like, around the airport maybe?

Yeah, there's one from each. There's a road that passes directly next to the airport that there's a little path that leads from the airport parking lot into the road. It's not an actual road road that you would drive through. It's more of, like a walking path. It's, like, paved with sidewalk.

Yeah, we're going that way.

Close by.

We're going off roading.

Okay. You guys drive over this sidewalk area to the road, and everyone kind of is freaking out in the parking lot because there are people getting eaten and shit and getting mauled by other people.

We can actually sort of see what's happening, the gruesome detail from where we are now.

Yeah. Because you guys are sitting pretty high up. You can see over most of the cars. You can see people just, like, dying all over the place.

Oh, my God. Is it all sort of behind us, or are we sort of heading away from the action?

You guys are starting to head away from the action. I'm going to roll in the 20 and check something.

I was going to just say I slam in the gray beard, and I tell follow that guy.

He seems like 17.

Yeah, I roll the 17. You guys actually to get through to that spot, you guys may or may not have sideswiped and, like, t boned a couple of small sedans and you noticed that there were already people inside the sedans that were like, what the and then they just got pushed to the side, basically as this huge fan just drives right through. And now there's an open path to that area. So do you guys want to follow them in the cop car?

Absolutely. Of course.

Okay.

He nudges me and tells me, look at this open path, and it's a no brainer.

All right, should I listen to a.

Crazy homeless wizard or follow snake Pliskin over there in the van?

I'm rolling another D 20. You guys are driving through, and you actually run over one of the charred bodies underneath. It's a rather large bump that you guys hit when you run through. I roll the two.

I'm starting to wonder if gray beard did that intentionally.

Probably at this point, we see a cop car sort of pull out behind us and sort of follow us through all of these cars that we're pushing through. And so I sort of see this from the passenger seat of the van, and I turn around, and I'm like, the cops are after us. What have you done?

And you win over a charred body.

Right.

I'm already sort of in shock at the trauma and gore that's occurring around me, but, you know, now I saw.

Them in the rearview mirror run over one of the blackened bodies laying on the ground.

Yeah. So now I think the cops are evil, and they're coming after us. It's zombie cops.

I'm going to roll again and see if you guys saw it.

I mean, based off sick rhymes, it's an understandable impression that you have about evil cops.

Also, you guys were all kind of, like, looking through the rear view mirrors at the corners that was happening behind you. And after you ran over the body, you actually see it start to crawl a little bit afterwards. Yeah. Oh, God. So it's a little disgusting. All right.

And you hear a loud yeehaw from Graybeard.

And you roll d ten for yaha.

A D ten for the yaha to know the volume of the yeehaw.

Yeah. If he rolls a one he likes, you roll it.

D ten to see.

I just rolled a four.

Okay. It's like a moderately loud it hurts.

My ears, but no one else's.

It's not as loud as the sirens because we definitely have the sirens going.

Absolutely.

The reverend is shitting his pants.

Tyler, what. Are you doing with a police car? Following you guys?

I'm just going to ignore it and probably try to get out of town.

Okay. Do you guys follow them?

Yeah. Since I'm driving, I pretty much just want to race at this point. I'm like my adrenaline is pumping. Shit's getting crazy.

Let's go.

So this is the only person that seems to know how to drive in this part of town. Everyone else is freaking the fuck out, so I'm following this guy.

All right, well, you guys are heading towards wait, no doubt. Didn't you say you were going away from town? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you guys are driving out of town, then I forgot.

Where does that go? Into, like, wilderness or what?

Let me see.

Actually, God forbid, montreal.

It's just a small you guys are.

Actually you randomly encounter Terrace and Phillips.

You guys are let's see, what road are you driving down?

We're going to get viewers that are going to write to us.

You're messed up the directions in our.

Town because when you go south, you're actually heading into town.

Is that Canadian?

We don't want anyone listening to our podcast.

You guys are going down a state road. It's probably like a highway, but you guys are going down this state road and there's like, wilderness around you.

Would it be a Providence road? Because it's in Canada?

I guess it would be a Providence highway.

Sorry, I'm just being thick.

It's all right. And you actually notice it's one of the only roads you can see.

All these roads go, like, nowhere.

Everything's covered in snow around you, pretty much. You see houses every so often, but they're set far off. There's a road that shows up maybe an hour and a half down, and you see a nice set of lakes next to each other.

I try to make small talk with Sick Rhymes. I'm like, boy, I haven't stolen a cop car in a couple of months.

I just stare and say I'm a state trooper.

Yeah, I kind of shit my pants not realizing.

All right, what's going on with Tyler and the reverend?

I'm still freaking out. We must repent. We must pull over and produce identification. You have your passport?

Just freaking out about.

Just freaking out. Yeah. I haven't gone through customs, so I'm worried that I'm going to get deported or whatever, thrown in Canadian prison. And I had a tiny little box of business cards for my tax preparation services and that fell out somewhere back in the terminal. Yeah, I'm a mess.

He's a mess. The two people behind him throwing up on themselves all day.

Yeah, I'll pull over. These cops have been following us for a while with their lights on, and there's been no other helicopters or cop car. So I'll pull over and see what's up.

I asked to borrow Sick Rhymes hat and say, can I handle this one?

Well, first off, you guys stop behind them.

Of course.

Yeah. No, I'm pulling them over. That's for the whole idea. He has been going for a long time with him.

He's on vacation. But there is a Mountie hat in the back seat.

Okay, I'm going to take that.

And.

Then I'm going to pretend to be a cop, because I might as well.

All right, you guys see this? Drunken well, not drunken well. He's probably still drunk, but he's wearing.

I mean, I drank a whole box of wine. I think I'm more drunker than sick rhymes was.

Yeah, I threw it all up.

So I'm clean the guy, get out of the car. He's got a huge gray beard, and he's got a mount he had on. But other than that, he's wearing this mismatch jumble of winter clothes, and he's wearing, like, a pink mitten and a blue scarf and just a random assortment of clothing. And he comes sauntering up in his best police saunter to the side of the car. Tyler, you immediately recognize him as one of the guys who had your luggage.

All right, I assume he's going to come up to the window.

Yes, he comes up to the window.

I'm going to open the door right into him.

Oh, my God.

Do you have to roll, or is that just what happened?

Yeah, I'm going to have you roll reflex.

18.

Okay.

You kind of, like, side step it a little bit. As the door swings out, you just back up, and it whiffs past you.

In the process, though. I dropped the taxidermy rabbit.

Okay.

Now there's this odd connection between.

Weird stuffed rabbit fall out of his jacket.

Now, look at the rabbit. Look at him. Look at the rabbit. Look at him. Where did you find that one? Looks kind of familiar.

The reason I pulled you over is because you left this at the airport.

I didn't leave it.

It wasn't there. I know it wasn't there.

Well, if that's the case, then I'm a taxidermis, too.

You actually do look Laparte. What's your biggest animal stuffed?

I would say a black bear.

Black bear to kill yourself?

No, I'm not a hunter, so you.

Won'T know how one of these look. And I'm going to pull up the Winchester and put it into his chest.

Meanwhile, while this is happening, can I try to sneak into the back of the van behind the reverend and just, like, pretend like I've been there the whole time? Just like, oh, hey, guys, I have a move silently.

Simultaneously, I dive into the back of the van because I see him pull out the gun, which I hadn't seen earlier.

All right, roll your D 20 for the move silently. Check.

I have plus three for Dex bonus and two ranks, so I got a five plus.

He'll open the door, and it makes a little bit of noise, but he doesn't really notice. But you jump in the van, and you're laying on your stomach inside the van, face to face with the Reverend, who's also laying on his stomach in the aisle down the middle of the van. So you guys are kind of laying on the floor just staring at each other.

So. Come here. Austin.

The Reverend vomits.

As the gun is in my chest. I think you're going to need to clean that one up.

You don't see this happen?

No, I hear it the yak.

Oh, yeah. You hear a little puking noise from outside.

Well, going to look back at the vomit at the Reverend.

Oh, I'm going to steal the gun if I can.

We'll see how that goes.

This is the worst group.

Like I'm just rolling my own bodily fluids.

You don't have sleight of hand.

Oh, shit.

Okay, so what would that be?

He can do a sleight of hand, but it's going to be at a negative minus four because he's not trained in it.

Okay. Yeah. You can try and pull a sleight of hand on it, I guess.

Yeah, he's got a penalty, right?

Wow.

All right. So you roll the four. You kind of just reach for Haphazardly and he slaps your hand away.

I look at Tyler and I go, so where are we going? I just assume I'm part of the group now because he looked like he knew where he was going.

I was just saying out of here. But I don't know where this road is going and I don't know how much gas is in here. But now we got a puke car, so we're taking your car back in the car.

So you guys all get in the cop car. Who's driving?

I'll drive.

Okay.

Before we get in the car, though, I checked the trunk and there's all sorts of weapons and I grab at.

Least one wait a second. I see what you mean, weapons in there. You notice there's a vest in there. There is one bulletproof vest in there. Just a regular police vest. And there's another mountain hat and a Mountie uniform sitting back there. And there is a small box of nine millimeter rounds and a small handgun.

Okay. I'm grabbing that bad boy anza ammo.

Okay. The box has 20 rounds in it.

Cool.

I'm going to try and do a sleight of hand and take the gun away from Greybeard because he's psychotic and I don't trust him with a gun.

It's empty.

I don't trust you with the gun, even an empty one.

Oh, God.

So I'm going to roll D 20 and get the plus seven for sleight of hand. I got eleven, so 18.

Okay. You take the gun from him.

I say, I'm just going to take this and keep it away from Mr. Crazy Beard.

And I start whining like a little kid, like, come on, man.

It'S just a gun, man.

All the cool stuff. The gun pulls the room together.

All right, so now that the police officer has a gun.

Does gray beard have the bullets?

Yes, I do.

It is empty.

He still has the bullets.

Okay, I'll let them have the bullets.

All right. This is a sign of trust. Yeah. You guys are on your way to a little town called Gilliam, Canada. God, I can never remember the name of the province. It's almost irrelevant though. You're heading south and the road you're on basically just leads to Gilliam. So yeah, it takes you a couple of hours to get there. So you guys travel for a couple of hours.

I spot an elk and suggest to Tyler that we kill it and stuff it.

Wait, would you have to do a perception check to see if you spot the elk?

Well, there's nothing really around you right now.

Okay, so no creatures?

Yeah. Well no, I mean like in terms of super forests and stuff. So like a lot of snow too. You can see some trees in the distance. So you would be able to spot Nelson pretty easily. It would stand out against the snow. Okay, so you guys get to this little town called Gilliam. It takes you about three and a half, 4 hours to get there. It's a nice little trek and you guys probably just like sleep or something along the way. It's just a standard car ride. Your car is not out of gas. However, you're down to probably like, I don't know, I'd say just under half a tank. It was pretty much full when you took it from the airport. There's a couple of things in Gilliam. There's a couple of places you could go. There's Doug's Lodge on Batona Bee Avenue. And also down the street there is Aurora Gardens motel and restaurant. And there's a public pool which is currently closed because it's wintertime. And there's also Gilliam Delight which is a little diner, and Mile 327, which is also another little diner. There's a small shopping center in the town.

I really hope you're just going through Google Maps and like Street View and just telling us what's in this actual town.

There's a hair Paul Diamond. There's a hair. Not street view, but close. It's on Google Maps. There's a place called Hair Wiz that you think might be a hairdresser. There's also a small airport, Gilliam Airport. So you guys go to Doug's Lodge on Matana Bee Avenue and I think most of you guys have money on you.

You got a few bucks?

I found some.

Yeah, I've got a little bit of money.

I found some in the luggage where.

You said, look, Canada takes this place takes American currency.

I was going to say we ran off the plane. So I assume we all have American.

Currency you guys couldn't get in the exchange.

Yeah.

They'Re a rather forward thinking style establishment, so they take most forms of North American currency.

Even pesos?

Even the peso they are actually installing a bitcoin station.

Wow, can I roll to see how much bitcoin I have when I check my account?

Let's see what it is. A four.

All right. You realize you have probably what, equals about $20 in American dollars in bitcoin?

Yeah, I use that for my sleeping fare.

He gives you a bed roll like a sleeping bag and says that you can bunk in one of the other people's rooms.

Nice. That's better than usual.

Yeah. So you guys go to your rooms and that's the day you guys had an eventful day.

Hi, everyone. Thanks for listening. This is Matt, also known as Reverend Weig. We had a really fun time recording this episode. It was part of the same recording session as episode one. So if you can tell that there are a few audio hiccups. We're still learning. We're still getting better at it. Next episode is going to be coming out April 21, which is a Tuesday. So look forward to that. If you enjoyed the episode and you're listening from itunes, please leave a rating and a review. It really does help. Basically the better quality of show that we can put out for you guys, because we're spending less time on growing the community and growing the audience, and more time on producing really great content for all of you to listen to. So definitely leave a rating, leave a review, leave a like, if you see it on Facebook, share it. Let your friends know. Every little bit helps. It really does. If you are interested in doing some fan art, you can send us your fan art at our Tumblr Almonds Better Than Dragons tumblr.com. And we'll post it and we'll share it with everybody. You can also get in touch with us via email at [email protected]. Check us out on Facebook if you haven't already. And like the Facebook page just search for almost better than dragons. Yeah, we really enjoy doing this show for you guys. We've had such an amazing time. We cut so much out of these episodes. We record for maybe an hour and a half for each episode. And what you guys end up hearing is roughly 40 to 45, 50 minutes. We have to cut out a lot of sort of redundant or boring stuff, but we really put sort of our hearts and souls into this. We've already recorded the next few episodes, and we're working on editing them and putting them together and making them good. And the best way that you can tell us that you'll want more episodes sooner and faster is by liking the show, sharing the show, leaving ratings, leaving reviews. Like I said, it it really, really does help. So thank you very much again for listening on behalf of not only myself, but also the rest of the crew. And we'll see you on April 21.